Sacred Self

"I had come to believe that in many ways, Shades of Hope represented the real world: a place where truth is told, the Self is sacred, and I wanted to absorb as much of this reality as I could, ensconce myself in it so that I could have it firmly embedded in my consciousness before I went back to the distractions, the hyper marketplace, the love song codependency, damaging belief systems that can make up daily life in America." Ashley Judd. All that Is Bitter & Sweet

Coming back to Louisiana from my brief sojourn in the mountains has been hyper/real/distracting to say the least.  I had somewhat retrieved my Sacred Self by having 3 weeks of almost total silence and art making.  Of course ending the day with a baseball game, my pacifier of choice.

Coming home I found my daughter in the same grief of loss as I have felt and sometime still do feel, in the above picture, holding on to myself because that is all that I had at that time.

I knew, as I now know, we are not alone, but doggone-it, it sometimes feels like it!

This "real" world can indeed be daunting, but family, friends, love and asking for help can sure make a difference.

Can you ask for what you need today?  If you will, I will.

Onada Wisdom

"I say breathe deeply into the spirit of IAM, and open yourself to see with the eyes of the God force.  See through the divine aspect of your own Being. ~Onada

Being a real artist at last.

The art I do today informs the art I do tomorrow, in a lovely circle of life and color.  Thank You Great Creator.

Since my last post, which seems like months ago, I have been struggling with a reluctant computer and just when I figured it out, my printer quit.  Two printers in fact.

When  I came home with the new printer, very similar to my old one, I was most excited!  Yet again another hurtle to jump.  I needed use snapfish to download new pics! Snapfish has been an absolute ironhead as my father used to call me!  They SAY they will send me a new password and don't. And the snapfish guy from Tim-buk-2 or wherever said he was sending me a temporary password and he too disappeared. No password, no help!!!!

Even my Guad candles have pooped out on me.

I decided to go into my stash of older photos and lo and behold there is Our Lady of Guadaloupe, the window in front of Our Lady of the Mountains church in Estes Park Colorado.  Hello Lady, I have missed you.

In hope of having something less boring and more enlightening to say in my next post, I bid you ado.  Until next time.

HOPE

A couple of weeks ago I "discovered" a plant that had been the same size and same color,green, on all my winter trips home to Louisiana.  I asked my neighbor who sometimes waters our nearby tomatoes if he had seen it bloom in previous summers.  "No. I never even noticed it," he replied.

Yesterday, while throwing the ball for Mattie, our Border Collie, I saw orangey red blossoms on the mysterious vine! It had waited patiently for me to finally be home long enough to feed and water it!

Our nanny has had this in her back yard for years and I have always loved it.  I must have planted it years ago.  It is a southern variation of trumpet honeysuckle called coral honeysuckle.

I believe my statue of Saint Fiacra, patron saint of gardeners, bas been back there watching and waiting all this time.

Merci.

On worthiness:"Because the mighty and the strong don’t hold women in high regard, we feel that we’re not worthy of being held in high regard. So we miss one of the greatest steps a woman can take, which is the chance to be on her own side; to be her own health advocate. You really have to believe you’re worthy. That is the first step."
Maya Angelou on O

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/blogs/Greens-For-Breakfast-Maya-Angelou-Talks-About-Womens-Health#ixzz1wSIkSOWD

Again, Maya Angelou's words have touched my heart in a placed I hadn't yet found.  I "know" I must take care of me first and sometimes knowing this I do better.  But it is hard for me, a woman, a mother, to not tell the "yous" in my life what I think you should do.  I want to fix you when I can barely fix myself.

For today I shall try to take care of me, one hour, one day at a time.  And then all I have to do is LOVE you.  And I do!

MUSIC

"As for the future, your task is not to foresee, but to enable it."
Antoine de Saint-Exupery

The excavation of my studio and writing corner continues, and today I found this small book given to me in August of 1995 by my eldest daughter.  In it I found words and feelings about music I had written while listening to a Barbra Streisand concert.

"...about the magic in the music....it feels like we never said goodbye."
I found out that life could be loving and gentle and I can enlarge the circle of love around me, little by little, until it encompasses the whole world.


"Don't rain on my parade." From Funny Girl
Old patterns keep me soaking wet! As a result of my upbringing, being raised by two alcoholics, my needs always came last.  From my mother's side I got artistic ability, and from my father's side I got a keen mind and sense of direction.  Yet the dysfunctional selfishness of the two of them kept me in a vacuum.

Not until I was grown with adult children of my own did I find Jungian dream analysis and 12 step support groups that helped me find my own voice.

Music and especially lyrics are important to me. They can take me out of myself and into the world.

Music memories:

"Cats fit on the window sill, children fit in the snow, why is it that I don't fit in any where I go?"

"What would I do with out my music?"

What music resonates with you?

Thanks my Boo.