MORE SURRENDER

This morning, Little Ros asked me to read and write some more and I think that might be a good thing to do.

Right before I was to leave for another summer working in Colorado I wrote, "I went from living my parents life to living my husbands lives and working everything around them."  This brings back a memory from when my children were young.  EVERY SUNDAY we went to Pop's house in Opelousas.  although I tried to learn the French language that they all spoke constantly, I was left out of most conversations.  I felt very alone and thought every time they laughed it was at me!!!

Today I wonder why I went.  Today I would not go.  Today it is hard to contemplate.

My journal continues, "When they betrayed me I had nothing left.  I HAD NO ME! But I searched and found that authentic self and I am living that SELF pretty well now."

"Now I an learning to nurture some parts of me that were lost while I nurtured other people."

Then a voice other than mine asked, "Little Ros, how are you today?" 

"Busy doing happy things with my dog Sparks."

"Do you know dear, Sparks means light, and you are full of light."

"I am?  I always saw myself as dull and drab.  I will start to think of myself as light.  Like sparklers.  I've always loved sparklers!"

Big Ros said, "I'll bring you some."

"Goodie."

Big and little Ros say Namaste.